black people + poker = LOL

live 2/5 tonight-

i'll preface by saying this- black people are so hilariously bad at poker. Ok maybe not all but the short sample I've had they are. (And I'll be the first to point out any other stereotypes- most of the asians I've played with are super degenerative maniacs and awful).

anyways, 2/5 at the horseshoe tonight, went with 2 friends. i was going to just play 1/3NL and take it easy tonight/donk around but saw a super soft spot in the 2/5 game (and an old poker buddy). this poker buddy of mine is one of the worst players i've ever played with. ever. he would lose $300 in a $20NL cash game. he would cold call an all in with AQ on T93 board. once i saw him sitting at 2/5 I had to sit (not that i'm afraid of 2/5 or something, just changed my agenda).

anyways, i buyin for $500, sit down. first hand i'm in, i fold, retard poker buddy limps 97o and proceeds to go ape**** on K769r board and loses to 85o in a limped pot to another monkey (black guy, more on him later). so booo, can't take any of his money.

anyways, it becomes quickly apparent that the black guy is totally horrible at poker. he's limping 100% of his hands (or calling raises). theres another wigger that looks like a white gorilla that is terrible as well.

anyways, i raise AJo after black guy limps to me from sb. he calls. flop J46r i bet, he calls. turn 5 i bet he calls, river 3, (J4653r) i check and he checks back 34o and i lose.

(and this guy seriously looked like eddie murphy. i'm not just saying that either because he's black. he LITERALLY looked like eddie murphy. imagine this-



staring you down. what a hilarious site.

anyways, i lose a few pots, rebuy for a few hundred more to top off. game is like 5 handed at this point and i'm having a fun time (it was a bit later into the night). overlimping alot of stuff, not really hitting anything.

i raise KK, fat wigger calls, $500 effective. he's shown a propensity to call down light and make poor calls.

flop 8T2 i bet 40 into 60 he calls

(140) J8T2 i bet 100 he instacalls

(340) Kx(KJ8T2) i just shove like 340 or something and he thinks for a bit and folds. i think that maybe betting 150 or 200 mightve been better. meh.

so i build my stack up to like...750 or something like that. black guy opens, i call black 88. flop 8T9 he bets $35, i raise to 110, he calls. turn 5 he bets $75 into me, i make it $275 (with like $250 back) and he thinks forever and chatters it up (saying he has diamonds), eventually calling me. he checks the river dark. river is Q and i check back, asking if he has diamonds? he says "OF COURSE I DO" and flips over Q9o and i win. he goes on megatilt after this and proceeds to raise almost every hand.

he claims he's going to get me and will 'play any two' against me. he rebuys for $500 after busting the rest of his chips with A2 against AJ on Axx board. the immediate hand after he rebuys he calls a RR with Q4 and wins against QQ on KJTA board and freerolls 8 on the river. he starts pumping his fists and yelling like most african americans do when excited.

anyways, i raise AA, he calls. flop KT2r i bet he INSTA makes it $100, i call. (we are like 1200 deep at this point). turn 8x i check and he checks back instantly. river 9x i think about how much i should bet and think to myself...he starts talking to me "man make a decision, bet if you want to! hurry up man! jesus christ". this was literally the most bizarre thing i've ever encountered in a casino...i was thinking for about 30 seconds tops at that point and he started freaking out. as i'm thinking, he says "just check man just check, ima show you my hand" and proceeds to FLIP OVER K6o slowly. I say 'what the ****', shrug my shoulders and bet $120 into like $220. he starts spazzing out and eventually calls a clock on himself because folding is so damn difficult here, which he eventually does. he berates me nonstop after.

also of note at this point i forgot to mention there was an vacant stack next to me filled with a graveyard of broken $1 white chips. eventually the guy made it back and there i encountered one of the most insane people i've seen yet. he stood about 5'7 or so and was incredibly strong looking. he was young and smelled like complete ass, reminded me of some crazy loony with retard strength. he said he just got done playing bacarat and said poker was '****ing gay'.

anyways, he played hands in a terrible fashion and was pretty horrible. its no wonder he lost in poker, he was limp/calling with J3. anyways, after i played the AA hand with the ape, i got AA directly after. the retard opened, i reraised and he calls. flop KQx he c/c. turn 3x he checks, i just shove him in (like $200 into like $300 pot) and he asks if i'll show. i say no and he eventually folds after a long deliberation, showing AK. he asked if i could beat it and i said "damn man, we were chopping". he proceeded to slam the table with his fist and snap one of his white chips, chucking it against the felt.

at this point, i'm being berated by the black guy and stared down and cursed at by the angry retard. still, i was making decent money and decided to stay. another old guy (chief chipowa by the looks of it) sat down. he could barely read the board and was super insane, limp/calling with 72o and 73o. he open potted the river against me on a TT5TT board and i called with K7, the winning hand.

anyways, i am card dead for a while, black guy goes into super tilt mode and starts opening $45 a hand. old fart and retard boy are happy to oblige him while me and the guy next to me were just sitting back for the most part. retard boy leaves after breaking a few more whites and babbles about how he lost $15k this week.

anyways, we are like 5 handed, i open 54 after a limper, btn calls, sb calls, black guy in the bb makes it $50. i call and so does everyone else, so we are like $700 deep (btn had like $1k) with about $200 in the pot already going to the flop.

flop- 367
sb (old indian) donks $50, black bb calls $50, i make it $300, btn tanks forever and folds (later saying he had 9T), sb folds, black bb jams with 85o and i hold.

game breaks shortly after as we were only 3 handed after that. hilarious night.

cliff notes- black people suck at poker. they are only good at sports. just kidding.