closing out month

bored as hell so i'll share some thoughts.

summer is flowing pretty well right now. i haven't done much and have just been enjoying sitting on my ass/etc. kindve depressing though because my friends are either in lincoln or whatever.

i think it's a pretty clear glimpse of whats to come for me, at least socially. most of my friends will either be out of town, working, or back in school. it's pretty depressing, at least for me, someone who doesn't really have a definitive future. i'm not good enough to play poker for a living (or at least don't have enough dedication) and my degree (history) is a joke. hopefully i can teach and maybe poker can give me a nice foothold into the 'real world' (ie. allow me to buy a house or something).

my friend told me that i'm about to enter a lonely time, at least with regards to this profession. i'll maintain a semi pro 'job' with poker for as long as i can, at least by playing on the side. each year i've played less and less (last year i played literally less than an hour a day, fucking pathetic). i'll ride it for as long as i can. really though, i don't know what life will bring. friends will move on, move to other places...get married, find coworker friends, life moves on.

i've already sortve told myself that a cubicle job 9-5 isn't for me. this could be a product of many things (as ive said in the past), namely, already being super lazy from poker playing. i know there was discussion earlier in the HSNL with regards to how beneficial poker really was...i can see both arguments. on one hand, we've definitely accomplished alot with regards to finances in our life. even 50NL players can make a good amount monthly, and have a nice $15-$20+ an hour multitabling. thats just not something you can do often in college. the money comes fairly easy (relative to the real world, although incredibly stressful).

on the other hand, we become desensitized to many things...including the value of hard work. now, thats not to say that poker isn't hard work because it most definitely is...anyone who says differently, well...i guess just ask someone 'if its so easy why dont you try?'. i was more referring to 'hard work' in a real world sense though...working a full 9-5 40 hours a week...the very idea just makes me shudder. i'm not sure if othersfeel the same either, could just be me. but this mentality is very common (at least in my experience) with other poker players.

i'd like to do something i enjoy. i was thinking about doing spelunking (sp?), or cave diving. being a cave guide would be pretty cool too.

scuba instructor is a long path as well, but definitely seems cool. money doesn't seem fantastic but meh.

i think pulling an adsman would be pretty adventureous. for those who haven't read his story-

HERE READ IT ...its definitely inspiring. people too often are set on one rigid path, one set road that they are unwilling to change...something along the lines of "well, shit, i guess i have this degree in xx and now i'm just going to work this shitty office job for the rest of my life FML"...and this isn't me hating on office jobs. sure, if you want to do that, by all means, googogogo...to each his own!

i just see so many people do what their parents/grandparents/friends/relatives/etc tell them what to do...and they are just so set on this path that they haven't even set some time to think for themselves.

i personally am a pretty shitty student. i don't work hard, i don't go to class, i don't take notes, and i don't study. in summary, i'm lazy. i wrote a short essay on this subject, bluntly telling my teacher that i could pretty much care less what he gave me (in tems of grading). here it is if anyone is interested in reading the thing (pretty idiotic and dumb, but still its related to this subject(s) that ive been discussing)-

Here it is, friend is hosting it

(also check out handcrawler.com, cool site to grab hands from/situations/etc). cool site.

anyways, thats enough of that emo bit. i know that life is changing, i know that people move on. just depressing that it's coming upon me.

pokerwise, i'm pretty content with how i did this month. probably like $3k for like 10k-12k hands...mostly 1/2. i mean, its pretty marginal but whatever. i ran like complete ass two days ago and lost a ton of buyins, just playing bad and getting range gayed.

i still have to figure out what we're doing in thailand. our path, activities, etc are still unknown and we have to figure it out.

anyways, ive written too much already. sorry to waste your time. hope everyone had a good may and bring on june.